--------------------II

Being a piece of life is a lot like being dead, a lot worse on the contrary.

----------------------------

On.Off.On.Off.On.Off

It tries to be free
In vain, to fall off the edge,
to catch time, to do, to see.

In green, i see red.
In moment, i see lives.
In actor, i seek the answer
In small, i try harder
to forget the bigger, to seem the smaller.

In you, i saw the lord
for me and, for you
Without you, i died
n i die some more.

*I do

If i were to reborn some day i will NOT repeat some of the the various stupidities i voluntarily indulged into. Trust me, i wont!

I stood there looking at the entity standing right opposite me with an inscrutable expression which meant that i am the true son of god sent on this planet, at this blessed hour(minute/moment whatever/fuck) to save your soul, to suck it out of the evil ocean of negativity n pessimism. Confidence was another of my numerous virtues that particular afternoon, put in place in case my chicken self starts to display its true nature. That entity off course possessed breasts.
Now, the entity mentioned herein did NOT look like it would suddenly take out a sword or a bazooka to slash/blast me into bits or, even worse would turn into a venom-spewing, bone crushing, blood sucking thing(?) and screaming about the fact that it derives pleasure out of these abnormal activities. But i was virtually pissing all the confidence out like it was such a waste.
N then happened the following :-
1. Its your fucking fault.
2. You have fuckin' changed so fucking much.
3.What the fuckin' fuck is fucking happening??
4. Fuck you
5.Fuck off
6.Oh fuck
7.Please, fuck don't do this
8.Fuckkkkkkkkkkkk
9.I am SO sorry, i shouldn't have.....f...., i am such a....f........, i am such an....f....., u are so....., i was always a....f....................(and so on!!!!)
But actually, as in deep meaning kinda of stuff that really happened, is:-
1. Confidence my ass.
2.I lost, like always.
3.I think breasts worked against me.
4.Its a routine nonsense that happened n i should go get a life rather than sitting here n fuckin blog.
5. *Realisation that......I love you:-)

After a while

What can i possibly decipher out of the extraordinarily pathetic use to which i am being put to every waking second (Not like i am travelling in space at nights but that's not really the point so anyway!), is really NOT the exact reason of me sitting on a red chair, almost thoughtless, trying to make sense out of whatever it is that i am trying to make sense out of.

Nothing.

If i was a school teacher, i would have taught class 9th and 10th because i always used to score well in trigonometry, random English essays on "my trip to the village" (and other such events) and my teachers were almost orgasming n making pathetic "oh my fucking god" sex noises when i used to crack an extremely difficult problem or write essays without making grammatical errors in sentences. They were sure i knew shit.

I didn't know shit and they were sex-deprived loosers.

I could emote for the rest of my life and still crap some more shit. And some more shit! But if i were to get on my feet n walk my way out of this shit??

I would have crapped even more shit.

I WANT MY BALLS BACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.
BACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!

Fuckedupness!

There are times in your life when you actually emanate the dickless feeling of being perpetually fucked up. At these times, erection seems like a distant dream and every little endeavour leads you to fuck every single thing up, related or not, does not even matter! You remind yourself about the presence of the Godzilla like creature down there but ten minutes past the reminder you realise how fucked up a thought IS that when you HAVE to remind your dickless self about its dick. And to actually come and blabber about it on the world-fuckin wide web (www) is like a hundred levels below the ultimate depth of being dickless.

P.S: At these troubled times a thought just passed my mind as i write this:
What would preity Zinta say if I'm her boyfriend?
Fucked up -NESS!!!

A few....

He opens his eyes n they feel so sore
It's the dream last night,
about the fuck,the year before
He goes out the room, heads straight to the shower
The house seems indifferent, it smells of you; He stumbles upon memories, the dream ain't yet over:

It was him and you, making love so pure
Room was just the same n so was the rest o' the world
Bodies entangled n hearts reverberating,
Devoid of all else; for each other they lived on loving

THUD!! BLA!!! BOOOOMMM!!!!!
He falls flat on the ground n begins to bleed,
But what flows out ain't blood, ain't the want for you
What flows out is love, with it the need to be with you
If not for you he certainly would 've been yours
You fuckin fucked it up, to become an anathema
To loose what fuckin SHOULD'VE been yours!

To not give a shit!

" What do you do when you're hurt? What do you do when your 'self-esteem' is bruised?"

I'd recently been to a place where someone stupid posed these couple of even more stupid questions in front of the stupidest stupid out there (not ME!, u dickless dick!!!). He rambled on for a decade with a zillion "you know what..", a million "some ppl are...", and scores of "you should just.." shoved in between the craziest fucking nonsense I'd EVER fucking heard!
Hurt my dick(!) and "SELF-ESTEEM" (!!!!!) , I mean do you seriously fucking mean it??? Self-Esteem means nothing at all. Its the lousiest combination of two words in the history of English words, the purpose of which is to basically fuck your brain up. (You may be better off learning the perverted version of the word. Ahem, I'm referring to your (ahem) "B...S" sweetheart! And if then someone messes around with your AHEM you may as well kick the bastard on the balls.) But, SELF-ESTEEM(!!). Fuck you!
When someone hurts you, if its even remotely possible, you hurt him/her back and if it isn't, just shut up n fuck off. And the LAST bit of shit to be coming outta yr butthole should be to ask other ppl for solutions to these questions.
Fuck's sake try being awesome once in a while you know. To not give a shit, you just do not give any fucking bit of it!
SIMPLE!!!

10th. of June-The day my i wrote my last engg. exam. It is 22nd. September today. I've completed my lousy journey from being a 22 yr old fuck to a 23 yr old (even lousier!) fuck. The only productive thing i thought i did in this period was clearing a finance related certificate exam with pretty decent marks. Now since finance suddenly seems to have become "The" thing to get the fuck away from, i have done nothing but just add to the number of useless objects in my house. Literally!
What the hell, just call me!!!!!!!

hjcbhbdjxcbh

I have not meant, I have not said,
Yes I am hurt but i am not dead.
The aftertaste of your betrayal haunts me still!
To you, it was a mistake,
To me, you are still here.
Blood's flowing within me like the days of before
Then, it gave me life; Now, its making me moan.
I may not act, I may not scream,
Cz you are still here n you are STILL HATED.

I have not meant, I have not said,
Yes I am hurt but i am not dead.
And i WILL MEAN, n I WILL SAY
cz i AM hurt n m NOT DONE YET!!

vnsinhvsfkvn

Ahead i am looking, for the bygone to pass by, smile at me, to give it one more try.
I know its over but it doesn't stop there...........
I wrote a few more lines n then i had a logic-attack. Its completely irrelevant n uncalled for. I culd fill pages, reminiscing the past, and still cover only a minute fraction of that supressed thought-web. Or, I could look out the window n see fr myself that how beautifull the world can be, or IS. Courtsey, the attack, i chose the latter. I thank n i do so, whole-heartedly. But, if there's anything that needs to be known about me, this is it. If there is one thing that will get me back, that will gather my scattered fragments, pull me up and get me back, standing on two feet,this is it. This is SO it!

Blah!

This was the part i feared the most. And rightly so. If i had been prudent enough to know that one day ill realise my obvious shitness at penning down my thoughts or worse, my malfunctioning brain which will refuse to register anything, even by far-fetching terms, anything that requires the most mediocre level of intelligence, i frankly wouldn't have bothered. Well, its time i face the fact n cease the incessant bullshit. And, anyway who really gives a rat's ass! I don't know if its the lack of events around me or their bombardment previously, that has led to this imbalance but the matter of the fucking fact is that i am so hollow these days that expression seems to have left me all by my fucking shit self, for I can't even shoot the shit now! Now this, by no stretch of exceptional human-emotion fathoming capabilities can mean that i am even remotely upset. So don't turn on the cool n start bigging yourself up for some pain in the neck lecture coz i honestly do not fancy one right now. I have nothing to fucking do n that quite naturally has led me to ramble a little. If u like it, well come lick my ass n if u do not (its my blog! So..) lick yours instead.

AWESOMENESS!

http://www.cbs.com/primetime/how_i_met_your_mother/community/barney_blog/index.php

:-)

Goddammit im happy:-)

And its over:-)

Glass is half full for me!
I did it or, we did it or, its over. A million ways to say it but the bottomline is, it REALLY is over. I might always look quite peculiarly passive about my predicament ( My chemical engg. friends may know how suffocating it gets especially the second time over....or may not!), but i shit u not, it is one hell of a situation to be in, one royal butt to kick, one particularly scary part 0f life,......one pain in the throat subject to get over with. Its even more tranquilising than getting the fuck over a freakin break up!
Thank you every one who has n has not been in one way or the other, with me for this one. It really wasn't as simple as it seems right now after its become a thing in the past( esp. the happier part!).

"GARDEN"

"The direction of the eye So misleading
The defection of the soul Nauseously quick
I don't question Our existence
I just question Our modern needs
I will walk...with my hands bound
I will walk...with my face blood
I will walk...with my shadow flag
Into your garden
Garden of stone
After all is done
We're still alone
I won't be taken
Yet I'll go...with my hands bound
I will walk...with my face blood
I will walk...with my shadow flag
Into your gardenGarden of stone
I don't show...I don't share...I don't need
What you have to give...
Ooooh, I will walk...with my hands bound
I will walk...with my face blood
I will walk...with my shadow flag
Into your garden
Garden, oohhh I will walk...with my hands bound
I will walk...into your garden-Garden of stone
I don't know...I don't care...I don't need You, for me to live"

-Pearl Jam

Cockroach

Why is every single thing about "Doing it right", "doing it correct"? Why is it so bloody necessary? Why is everyone around me SO fucked up?! Why is everyone living with a bunch of pretences (& misunderstandings!) stuck up their buttholes! And fuck them, its annoying ME! I can't stand this constant itch.
Sometimes (well most of the times..) i think without really knowin it. It's like, a apart of me zones out to a completely different dimension.( Well now that i've written it, i KNOW it too. That's wat happens. I zone out. N now suddenly it does not feel like much of a big deal to really be spoken bout u know. But anyway....)
So on "zoning" out (Why the fuck am i still trying????), I dunno wat happens.
So i can't even write now! Fair enough. I deserve it, I just AM so much full of shit. I mean WHAT? I want to run the fuck away from this world full o ppl who just cannot stand me, to whom I am nothing but a fucking COCKROACH.
Sometimes I feel i am done being a cockroach and sometimes when I see a real cockroach (tat makes me a fake cockroach....c tats wt i mean but fuck it..), i tend to observe how it walks, how it looks, wat the hell it does. After I am done with my research- I kill it!
It gives me peace. Its not like I feel at the fucking top of this world due to my apparent superiority, its just that at that moment I feel like mashing the crap out of my own self. But as I am NOT really gonna do that I do that to the lil fucking creature instead by crushing it under my weight. (It can't be "mass" coz m crushing it under a force and "weight" is the force and "mass" is just a property. Anyway, i've thought about it. I don't want any1 raising meaningless n pointless, pain in the fucking ass questions to do with the same.) Please its an honest bloody request, don't ask me silly, stupid, STUPID questions and do not tell me fuck all, FUCK ALL inane bull shitting "Righteous", "correct" fucking nonsense. Nothing helps. Nothing at all. I am SO shit. Just fuck off.
Why do i have to be n do "right" n why n how is it "right" if i dont feel the "right" part about it. "Right" is relative! The complexity behind this has driven the daylights out of me n m fucking shit now. How can a thing be called "right"? Dont fucking generalize it. I am so shit sick of being tested based on things i don't give a lousy fuck for. Its straight ridiculous! The helplessness in explaining it only adds up and gives me a throbbing ass ache.
Change, change, change, change....................................................................

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Yes-yes, No-no. Go. Come. Don't go. Don't come. Please go. Please come.
Hey, why m i at fault!

Chaos!

Don't even go there. You have no fuckin idea! Chaos has been the way of life. Its good enough that i am alive n i manage to gather the little fragments of my filthy existence n live out every day (some-fucking-how!). Incessant wastage of time and energy for almost a week now has sucked out the conviction and will to unearth my dead self from deep underneath the shit i ve bin stuck in. I smile, but i am not happy. I sleep, but i am tired. I breathe, but i am still choking. I cry, but my eyes are dry. I shit(oh, a fuckin lot), but i throw my ass up. I don't know if "end" is a part of this but i am planning to see it through if at all it comes, stare it in the face, kick it in the balls, walk over its grave. Hell ya!

SIGH!

wait....
i ve been busy, getting better( than EVER before!). I am SO confused that intelligence (if it ever did exist...) has deserted me for good. A million thoughts die out in a minuscule fraction of a second. I am totally fucked out! And this time, i REALLY m alone. Good thing?? M loving it. M on my own for a change n its a ball being so! wait, wait.....wait, coz i am bout to erupt..erupt into fragments of force. You'l never know wat the hell m i talkin about, n i do not intend to either.
but, if u believe in being a spectator to "brilliance". WAIT! trust me...
WAIT!

I lay there..................

I lay there, bloody and broken, shattered and shaken. Every single breath I took, was like a dose of life going down my throat, but the effort itself was sucking the very life out of me, ten times faster. The whole process of respiration and the subsequent functions of the throat and lungs felt like completely turned around. I dint want to breathe but I was too chicken to NOT do so. Every single limb of mine ached, and ached beyond measure. My one hand felt like ripping off the other and one leg wanted to do the same to the other. Even my eyes were bloody. Every goddamn thing was SO full of pain. No one beat me up nor did I meet with an accident. But it happened to me and now, I was lonely. Alone. All fucking alone!

I looked all around and it was an ugly fucking dustbin of this world with filthy fucking people, faking a smile here and faking a fuck there. I could tell, no one here is satisfied, no one’s happy, no one’s at peace. Every one is just fucked up, one way or, the other. But I tried searching that bin for help, real hard. I dint know how it looked, but I looked on. With all that pain up my ass, I did not relent; I looked for help, for someone. I became desperate for help, for someone, to rescue me. But it was only a bin, full of filth n shit. Filthy n shitty people with not a fucking idea! I started running, frantically. I was running so fast that I dint give a fuck. I broke my leg, my hand, my nose, my head but I persevered on. I ran for Saviour, for love, for someone.

And then she came. She was there n she was real. She smiled n that smile killed me. She smiled n I was adrenalized, blood started flowing within me in turbulent proportions, again. My heart started beating, again. Pain gave way to pleasure. I looked around and it was the most beautiful place on earth. It had mountains, sea, flowers all of them together. It was raining, it was snowing and the sun was shining too, real bright. It was the prettiest fucking place on earth, or wherever the fuck it was. But that face of hers was prettier. It was magical, exuding magic and purity. That childlike innocent eyes had a gaze that slashed my chest n blew my heart into pieces. I was drenching in cold water but I still dint give a shit. I was recovering. I was not lonely. I had found someone. Someone to love, to take care of!

That pretty thing was so awesome that I wanted to hide the sun, cover the sky with bright stars, to make it night n to look at her n keep looking at her till I go insane. It had been only a few seconds, or years. I dint know but it felt like it had only begun. And then she smiled and I died. And then she smiled again and it killed me again. It happened over a thousand times, but I craved on, for that death, for that smile, for her.

And then the world shook n she disappeared. I shouted, I yelled but not a single sound came out of my mouth. I went mute. But the world continued shaking, vibrating. I was clueless. Then I just lost focus. I just lost myself. And now, everything went dead dark. There was no one, no world, no rain, no mountains, no me, no fucking dustbin. Nothing! Pitch black. Holy hell! But amidst that darkness n blackness, that vibration continued. Periodical, like some musical note but without ANY sound! And then I heard someone calling my name out loud. MOHIT. MOHIT. MOHIT. MOHIT.

N then I got up. My stupid phone was vibrating n my friend from college was calling. I put on a smile, got ready n left for college. I dint fake it, I really smiled. Thinking! Thinking about not being lonely, about someone, about reality, about my dream, about wishing, too much.

Hurdles: -

Everyday begins & then it ends. Promises are made and then forgotten. Hearts are won & then, BROKEN! Circles. Fucking vicious circles.

I know I’ve turned on the cool lately with the whole serious shit I’ve been posting over here. In retrospect, how very un-cool WAS it?? It WASN’T even me. It was so USUAL. {There I go again. THAT’S turning it on, LOOSER!} Holding on to that thought, what the hell is wrong with being usual? On the contrary, “usual “ leads to satisfaction. {Literally, metaphorically AND [wait]…SEXUALLY… muahahahahaahahaha} Then why is there this eternal quest for being different, this struggle for thinking, doing, DOING (u know what m talking bout…muahahahaha) and feeling different? Coming to think of it, why the hell did I start this blog in the first place?? I can’t write for shit, can’t study for shit, can’t fucking fuck for shit! What m I doing the whole day! What have I done in the 20 odd years of my shitty existence that can even remotely b given a lousy second thought?

Do I give a damn? Hell, NO! What I must do concerns me and only me. It’s mine to b thought about and to be done. And do it, by god I will. No matter the nature and number of hurdles (Shoving in some poetry…. number and nature of “thorns” in my fucking “paths”. Who even TALKS like that?? Like seriously. Fuck this and fuck you too!)

Narcissism didn’t fail the greats they just screwed up! Who wants greatness ANYWAY! (Muahahahaha)

The moment of realisation, of truth!

Poets don’t bullshit. They don’t write surreal stuff to achieve nirvana. They virtually hold you by the neck and throw you into an oceanic world of reality, the reality that’s unreal to most, that most are running away from, making you think, again. It’s the reality that drives you insane n you are good being away from it, very far. It’s the reality that’s a bitch! (They talk sense and they do it well.)

That’s the way AND will of God, the way of righteousness, the way I don’t like it, the way I choke, not to death but only to unbelievable pain in my heart, & mind.

I thought I’d fought well, won the battles and, the war. I thought I’d fortified myself well enough. But it came down crashing in on me in that wonderful little moment. That glistening look killed, the thoughts and me. It wasn’t even full-fledged, almost only a sigh signaling that it isn’t over, till its over. It was a sigh that sucked all the air around me leaving me momentarily breathless, and lifeless. I was there when I wasn’t coz then it was two of me. And for that splendid moment of realization, this me dictated terms, this me that didn’t want to fight in the first place, that had immense largess. It was I, the looser, momentarily. And in that breathlessness, & lifelessness, I lived again. All fucking over again!

eruption round 2!

It isn’t an extraordinary day, its just one of those. They come. They go!
Scorching Bombay heat at its butt-fuckin’ worst. Piles of books, journals, used & unused note-books lay on my table in their comfortable haphazard manner, sort of looking at me n asking me, what d hell have I bin up to. And I am like, “seriously!!”
I get up, irritated, park my ass on the bed and shove my head right into the pillow. The bed makes a ridiculous sound as I adjust on it. Not you too! Some inane jazz number playing in my music player reminds me of the guitar that has been lying in the most ignored nook of my room, ignored. I turn around and find the piece of wood still lying over there. Suddenly jazz musicians cease their nonsense and the lifeless guitar begins to play random notes at ever increasing volume on its own. EEEWWWW!!!!! Stop! Stop! Some invisible motherfucker also joins in with some more cacophonies. Oh my fucking God! Impetuously, I take the headphones off my head with the hand almost murdering it in the process. But it survives & so do I. The harsh mixture of sounds stops and I am at peace (apparently) once more. I stare at the guitar with a sadass look on my face, promising myself that one day I’ll master it. I only promise, like a zillion times in the past. I don’t get up and start playing it. I just promise that one day. ONE FUCKING DAY. One lousy Fucking day!
I turn the other way and lie down once again, this time facing the ceiling. Claustrophobia makes me close my semi-sleepy eyes. Conflicting thoughts fuck my brain out of action. I can only feel. I can’t think, can’t decide. I can’t fucking breathe.
And then my butt begins to itch. I realise there’s something in my back pocket. With a giant effort, I somehow manage to put my hand in the pocket n take out what was in there. A crumbled piece of paper. It’s a postcard I’d picked from a restaurant couple of weeks back. Fuck, it’s been THAT bloody long since these pants were last washed. Holy shit, I suck! Not surprisingly, I blabber out another promise. One day. One day! (Ya right!). I do some unfolding of the postcard, with irritation multiplying by the second. I curse my ass off. I recall that dinner at the restaurant and I curse even more and even louder. Why the fuck did I go there anyway!
Finally I get done making love with the postcard. I rub my eyes to let go of some of the irritation. My eyes open gradually and a blurred vision gives way to a clearer one. I realise that the music player is still on and Eminem is yelling so loud that I can hear him even with headphones on the bed. I read the words on the postcard once but only as words written next to each other and not as a complete sentence. I rub my eyes one more time. The vision is clearer and the irritation much lesser. I read again. It says: -

“A Secret part of you loves to be miserable. The moment you realise this, life becomes very easy.”

And Eminem says: -

“Success is my only mothafuckin’ option
Failure’s not!”
A rush of blood to the head kicks an adrenalin overflow within me. I know not the connection between these things but they make perfect sense otherwise. I get off the bed. I stand straight, to remind me of the obvious, to think, to decide and to breathe. Bendchod!

Eruption round 1

Never. NEVER. Just Never EVER! Wenever u walk tat lane, just wen u begin to feel a sense of belonging, a fierce blow of reality kicks u in the balls n turns yr world upside down. Just wen yr walk was turning into a ride u evidently were going to cherish all yr lousy life, ANTI-GRAVITY comes into action! Hard-core action!!!
You begin to fly( unlike how u ever wished to!) against will & wish. And its a CRAZY flight. Hideously perfect circular discs banging yr head at 1440 bangs/day, which after a point leaves u with only one emotion-IRRITATION! Absolute irritation. No pain, no anger, just Brain-chewing weirdass irritation.
The height of it all is that u always DID fear this scientific contradiction but just chose to fantasize otherwise. And now, its giving u a jolting pain in the ass. But like always, u aren't holding the strings!!!!!!
SILENCE......................Absolute silence............................Spine-chilling silence......................Not a single sound.......................................................................away..................Extremely far away.....very very VERY far away.........................................................TIME-TRAVEL 1{WHOOOOOOSH}..............................
...................................Drums rolling...................................dum dum du du dum.........Deafening beats.........................every single bone and limb shaking, vibrating..............................dum du du dumm...................................Time travel 2{WHOOOOOSH}.........................................
Violins playing..........desert..........Drums rolling again............................a regular 4 by 4 beat but better than uve ever heard..........................bass..........................................................4 by 4.......................................
From really up in the sky u come falling at supersonic velocity as anti-gravity gives way to ITS anti to ensure the mega flight climaxes in style............................SILENCE......................Absolute silence............................Spine-chilling silence...........Pin-drop silence..........................BOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!

Complications of being "me"!

Whether its just me or if every other person around, is possibly going to remain a mystery forever! Oh well anyway................................................

Wasaaaa.....I know, i know, relax will you, i KNOW, all RIGHT m sorry. Life isn't a bed of roses n we all know this. [M glad it isn't a "Bed of Roses". Life wuda sucked. EWWWWWW!!! A "Bed o' fuckin' ROSES" it seems. Who d fuck came up with that trash term anyWAY ?!] Things weren't that cool with me and i was a little low on life u know. I guess tat explains the recent volcanic outpour of the extreme emotions totally devoid of the LEGENDARY humuor this blog is so totally known for. [Fuck you, u fuck face!]. But little did i know that life had different plans for me.
The only reason i ended the previous paragraph with that sentence was to make it sound super dramatic, in fact straight ouuta some wannabe "OOH M SO HOT" autobiography. Anyway!!
For ppl who don't know as yet[Like any1 GIVES a shit! u r an anti-fuckin social pain in the ass u looser!......IS IT REALLY SO??????.....FUCK IT ISS!!!! :-(.....], i got placed with a leading private bank. So yayyyyyyyyyyyy! [Ewwwwww.....GAY!! Gay like the epitomy of being gay, u gay motherfucker. I profusely apologise for that effeminate expression of joy!]

*Some more volcanic eruptions soon guys:-(

cheers mohit:-)

Answer me!

Why the hell is it so dam easy to turn evil n why the hell does it feel SO bloody good??? N the worst thing about it is the disgusting truth that being nice fuckin sucks. All that you have seen, absorbed n "apparently" learnt sort of gets completely turned around n u feel lost, like forever. And no matter how much u try n runaway from the fulcrum of this it seems like its every dam where.
Somewhere deep you do realize that being like this (evil) solves all the problems n makes world a paradise where you live, rule and do as u wish! But there's deeper to look n MUCH more to realize! The deeper u go (Fall!), more confusing it gets. You do what you do not want to and in the process, shit hits the roof. Everything seems fragile and vulnerable. But everything still remains rigid and you feel SO helplessly soft that nothing feels right or wrong. All seems unreal and unbelievable. Answer me!

I dont know how to drive!

What is it that drives me? But am i driven AT ALL?!? I think i do! Oh Fuck m BEING driven!! Why m i stuck in the midst of this life sucking, mind-chewing something that is so bizarre that in spite of its non-existence it holds me by every single strand of hair on my fucking head, pulls me, pushes me, lifts me, drops me, kicks me..FUCKS me n takes me to some place where i don't fucking know whether i wish to ( Need to????....My Testicles!!) go or not.
Why the fuck is this happening?? Well, I don't know! do i care?? I don't want to but FUCK (Fuck, fuck, fuck) I do!! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuckkk you! Get the fuck out.
Why has the world decimated into this infinitesimally small cubical room that has thousands of tiny swords protruding from each of the 6 faces perpendicularly. Now wats even more peculiar is the even more ridiculous thing about the swords that they are being controlled by the non-existent entity and shoving them right through my ears, eyes, throat n even my asshole. Oh Fuck! It doesn't ache.It just irritates beyond descripion. Its raping me beyond saviour.
I know whatever i've written is possibly a bunch a bullshit in terms of sanity. It defies logic, behaviourial or otherwise. But if u know me you would REALLY know what the fuck m talkin about. May be u do but the pain in the throat is that "I" don't. I honestly do NOT. { U dumb little fuck I mean i don't know myself and i don't know why!}

phew!!!

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NOTICE

Id really appreciate, whoever u are, if u could say SOMEthing on reading my posts...i know m very bad at writing but since u DO somehow manage to gather all o yr guts together to actually read my lousy stuff, i could honestly do with SOME sorta interaction with you over here..thanx anyway:-)
keep comin here n all d best!

cheers mohit!

Randomness Round-I

Its kinda amazing how frequently i dwell into these totally unwanted territories where the only sensible option for getting out is to WAIT! For Christ's holy sake, all I can do is WAIT!!
Why are situations such fukin' bitches that they never seem to b under my control.I don't really appreciate comments on my analogies, esp. when I am pissed off!And its definitely not like i am waiting with crossed fingers for shit to rock the ceiling.It just does!I am just standing, NOW, with hands facing the ceiling to catch it for following two reasons:-
@Cos for some bitch of a reason its just me in the bloody( shitty ) middle of it. Funny eh? SCREW YOU! Not funny?!? Oh well fuck you anway.
@Cos if i dont, the "floor cleaning" consequence inevitably faces me again.

oh n i guess there's this world's best reason as well:-
@I Suck too.Can you believe it:-(

And now what can i POSSIBLY do.I know that "now" is a misfit cos i could NEVER do ANYthing anyway.
{[Why has this UGLY person just appeared outta thin air n decided to sit RIGHT next to me.Oh fuck, now he picks his even uglier nose.What the hell is happening??? Can't i even write in peace now!]}

to be contd.

Cricket down under!

The Indian Cricket is presently witnessing one of its most turbulent times in genuine cricketing and controversial terms! After a completely lousy performance in the first match Indian team bounced back in Sydney determined to outperform the Aussies.Determined they were and outperform the Aussies, well, they almost did! Ridiculous umpiring and, i would certainly be understating to say the least, a brutal denigration of spirit of the game of cricket by the Aussie team.
But what surprised me and in fact, disappointed me was the way Indian media and a few over enthusiastic former cricketers projected the outrage shown by the people of India .They made it look like an issue of "National Integrity" which acc. to me is just not the case.If i know correctly, the people of India were clearly very upset n enraged over the bhajji issue and the umpiring debacle but there absolutely was not ANY requirement of makin rubbish claims like Indian people are uniting over the whole issue and they are willing to even collectively pay for the losses incurred by BCCI if it indeed calls off the tour. I mean, who cares! There really are far too many issues and problems to attend to and legion reasons for which Indian people ought to unite like this! Showing their support was one thing but projecting the Indian perspective the way they did was wrong.
Nevertheless, the issue is biting the dust as is the Australian team and their stinking attitude. Thankfully the Indian team did not behave like a kid who feels wronged on being wrongly robbed off a chance to take a dig at a friend and continued with its tour. And the lost pride (At Melbourne and not at Sydney!) was regained and regained, in STYLE!
Every single player contributed and the Indian team played like a unit that was desperate to prove a point which they handsomely did. Hats off to the new Indian test captain to have made the smartest moves ever made by an Indian captain in ages and playing his cards so effectively. I will certainly rate this win above the T20 victory in terms of cricketing logic and the amount at stake. I am proud of our Cricket team to have achieved this feat n especially proud of the way and the circumstances under which it was achieved.
But BCCI succeeded in spoiling the party way too early by outlandish team selection (HOW THE FUCK CAN U DROP GANGULY!). This has left me completely in shock and sympathy for the legend of Saurav Ganguly ( But for Christ's sake don't begin burning effigies and claiming that "pride", "justice", blaa blaa has to be questioned. Because quite honestly it isn't THAT big a deal.).
Lets hope BCCI sorts out its inside issues and stops with its blunders ASAP!
Cheers Mohit:-)

confusion!!

Thanks to the latest attempt at developing an interest to actually make a carrer outta tat(after a zillion wrong ones{or were they rite????}), here i am sittin on a "workstation" (oooohhhh...m i not KOOOLLL....{LOOOSERRRRR}..) at a cousin's finance company( tats actually a meaningless term which i use fr thin headed measly creatures lik u on whom i CHOOSE to not shower lil drops o my knowledge which happens to b of elephantine proportions.....now dont try to b witty n LOOSERISH by pointin out spellin errors cs cool ppl {yes m cool!} ARE bad at spellin words...so ANNNYYWAYYSS!!!!!).
Though i must admit ive actually succeeded at learning SOMEthin this time n the interest does seem to b developing but wit me,forget u,i fkin never know! But atleast i dont procrastinate anymore( well, alright...its better..i am doin SOMEthin!..atleast appreciate wat m doin u..aa...uuu..aa..mmm...oh hell u who doesnt even exist looser!).
So anyway, still arn 15 odd days left before i pack my bags fr Bombay.So still some work left.i know m probably not doin it with 100 percent sincerity but its turning out to be good fun n yes, m learning new stuff which is possibly is the only thing that keeps me going in life.(WAT?!....m not always goin to b funny..there's a matured n intellectual{n sizzling HOT!} side to me!).
So enough entertainment for all a you who desperately need a job{go do somethin..go get a job...go get a job o holding dicks..do watever ..just STOP FUCKIN'...).I gotta go n "work".More later.

{God, bring peace to this world!}
Cheers Mohit:-)

happy first blogging!!

Hello one n all

u musta bin rly bored since u r goin thru MY blog...m honstly not a literary genius i just like writing n thats probably why i am being very nice in my first blog post writing endeavour...hereon ul have to go thru some extremely random n senseless stuff

{i bloody well noe noones out there n its jus me wastin my already directionless time on my wasted self by talkin to no one but my own self appraisin self....so ur i-know-all comments wont b appreciated at all...u r welcome to come,xplore n enjoy me but tats about it...STFU....all d best n make merry

tc!